Types of students on test day

As we start winding down the semester/quarter/term, examinations loom on the horizon. The scramble to prepare hasn’t exactly started yet, but it very well is in the back of everyone’s minds.

In virtually every public high school classroom, certain personality types tend to become more… pronounced. Here are the types of students you see come exam day.

Cheerleader Tracy

Gotta love her — she’s not necessarily a cheerleader in the pom-pom sense, but she’ll come into class with a bag of dum-dums and a morale higher than an Army commander. She is unbreakable. A beacon of hope.

So far she has been the lifeblood of classroom participation. We may grow tired of her excessive 7 AM peppiness, but again… she brought lollipops to test day.

Cheating Chip

The audacity of this kid. Upon walking into class, he navigates the room for the perennial A students. Peeking over their shoulders for the next hour is how he gets through calculus. Other notable strategies are the hidden phone, quadratic formula tattooed on his arm and taking mysterious bathroom breaks.

“Hey, can ya help me out?” He feels the need to ask permission before mooching off your answers! As if this is a justification for jeopardizing everybody’s test scores. Respond accordingly:

Quick Quint

Why? Why did you have to tear through the test, without once sharpening your pencil, just to finish 30 minutes early and thus make everyone feel ridiculously incompetent? Not only that, Quick Quint makes a grand first-to-the-finish-line march to the front of the class to show that he indeed won the race that nobody was sprinting except for him. He shuffles back to his seat and sleeps away the rest of the test period.

Sick Sid

He and his sister Cop-Out Katie have come down with a mean flu. For the fifth test day in a row.

As they miss more tests, the excuses become more elaborate. The pink slips build up. Everyone knows, even the teacher. We assume they’ll take the make-up, but no promises.

Anxious Alexandra

Take a chill pill, homegirl. You’re prepared. You’ll do fine. Just breathe.

Anxious Alexandra is in the middle of a 16-year-old breakdown. There will be dry heaving and tears. She’s convinced this test will somehow have a butterfly effect into her chances of getting into college. In fact, if she fails this test then it means she will flip patties for the rest of her life.

Hand her a tissue. We’ll get through this together.

 

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