Football is finally here, which means hours of watching the television when you could (and probably should) be studying for the week ahead. As you enter weeks one and two of the school year, your productivity in the classroom directly correlates to the quality of preparation you put in. The same goes for the pro athletes who play on Sunday.
The same pro athletes went to high school and college, too. We’ve analyzed the personality/performance traits of the top QB’s in the league and matched them with the most common types of students that emerge on the dreaded Exam Day.
Why? Because this is America, where the line between sports, pop culture and real life becomes more blurred with every viral end zone dance.
Are you a Fitzpatrick or a Kaepernick? Find out below.
This is routine. You read the lesson once last week and once again while walking to class this morning… but you’ve understood the material since last year. Performing well on the test isn’t on your mind as much as scoring perfect on your next try at the SAT.
Unlike our friend Cam Newton, you’re not much for showboating your scores. You keep your smarts under the radar and hope nobody This doesn’t mean your classmates like you very much, though.
You were born for test day. You walk in with a fresh pair of Nikes just because it’s test day, sitting at the front of the classroom because you’re going to be first to finish anyway.
You make a spectacle of an entrance because that’s what winners do. Let your classmates groan at your enthusiasm. They’ll groan even louder when you mess up the grading curve and hit a celebration dance.
Everybody knows your big brother Tom, who graduated a long time ago and was notorious for getting caught cheating on a number of tests. Tom was a legendary math-lete. He wasn’t the quickest, but he could graph out parabolas with pinpoint accuracy – no TI-89 needed. He would even stay after school to tutor kids on homework, just because he was an old veteran.
… and you’re just Jimmy. All the teachers and kids in the hallway want to know: what are you made of?
You made a big name for yourself in early geometry – in fact, you knew angles and shapes like the back of your hand.
But that was last year. You’
re in the big leagues now – Calculus is known to swallow up rookies if they don’t study their playbooks. True, you came in hot d
uring week one and blew the first exam out of the water. But it’s week two and you forgot that tests are cumulative now.
You’ll take the test, all right – but not until the teacher answers some deep, existential questions first.
Why is testing in your school district so frequent? Why do we say the Pledge of Allegiance? Suddenly the entire classroom is up in arms. Desks start flying. Oh well. You finish the test, put your Beats headphones on and walk out in silence.
Also, you scored higher than Cam Newton on last year’s final exam, and he is PISSED.